A friend of mine's husband was just diagnosed with cancer and she asked me what she can do to keep his spirits up.
I think every person that's been diagnosed with cancer, and their family members, face this illness in their own way....and it changes along with the course of treatment(s).
I've been thinking about when my husband had surgery, and then radiation a year later, how much I tried to control the illness through nutrition and alternate healing. I also tried to encourage him to be "up" and positive about the future. In retrospect, I think it's because I felt helpless at the time and needed to contribute to his healing in my own positive way.
My husband sometimes rebeled at my good intentions. He would eat something I thought was wrong, or not exercise as much as he said he would. At the time, I thought it was all about me....I was doing the research and promoting a healthy recovery, and I thought that's what he was rebeling against.
I learned that I needed to express my own anger, frustration and helplessness in other ways. We still for the most part honor diets and exercise that support his recovery, but I've also learned to honor the fact that he needs to make decisions about his own life, and cope in the way that he deems is best for him. He doesn't want to think about recovery all the time, he just needs to honor where he is in the present.
I am still working on accepting that I can't make him think positively all the time .... I can only be present, supportive, do the research, and be available for him to talk to me about his feelings.
