My Loved One Has Cancer

The word "cancer"

For those that haven’t gone through the cancer journey, the word cancer is very scary. However, it’s just a word, and like the word “sick” it has a lot of different meanings….and it really is unique to each individual. You have to define what it means to you. Yes, your loved one has cancer. But don’t let that word have a be-all end-all impact on you every time you hear it.

I kept saying the word aloud just to take the power away. A friend of mine mis-spells the word as “can sir” and uses it as a positive…. “yes, I can sir”!

I think the real issue is to break down the whole experience into manageable components. Yes, my husband has cancer. Yes, these are the treatments we’re evaluating (or doing), and yes, these are the expected results. I would get into emotional trouble if I just focused on the word “cancer”….so try breaking down the experience and thinking about it in components….it will help you….and your loved ones!

Hearing the News: It is Cancer Part 2

My husband found out he had cancer over the phone. I understand that doctor’s are busy, and that he knew we needed to know. Everyone has a different take on this. My personal feeling is that this is news that should be delivered in person. No one should be alone when they hear this….even if it is just you and the doctor. I felt terrible that my husband heard this news alone and that I wasn’t there for him. There’s so much more to it than just “You have cancer”.

We dove into the research before our first doctor’s visit. We learned everything we could….and were pretty overwhelmed. I went to the appt. armed with a spreadsheet, and lists and lists of questions.

Our first appointment lasted an hour. We learned about the Cancer Scores and Grades, and that the recommendation was for surgery. The doctor felt that we could wait a few weeks before we had to make a decision. He gave us many research reports, answered all of our questions, and referred us to the local hospital for more cancer resources, and support groups.

We went home and did more research as additional issues had come up. We made the decision for surgery the next day. We were so scared about the cancer growing that we didn’t give ourselves time to really step back and just live with the choices for awhile.

We also did not get a second opinion. We tried several doctor’s that had been recommended to us, and they were all booked for at least several weeks out. We were comfortable with our doctor, he was a leader in his field. However, I would always recommend getting a second opinion.

In retrospect, given all that we know now, we probably would have made the same decisions….but I would recommend not jumping right into the decision if you can wait….even for a few days.

Hearing the News: It is cancer

I knew before he told me. We were expecting the results of a biopsy. He was late getting home from a meeting and I was not able to reach him by cell phone. It turned out he had heard the news by phone.

I didn’t panic. I went onto autopilot. I just kept telling myself, it’s going to be ok.

Before we had the diagnosis I did not allow myself to do any cancer research. I thought it would add the wrong kind of energy to the situation, and besides, his tests would come back negative, so it would be a waste of time in the end.

So, we got busy and dove into the research. It was overwhelming, to say the least.

We were both scared. Just the word cancer was all encompassing. We each took a different approach….my husband did not want to say the word “cancer” out loud….and still doesn’t. He felt, and still feels, that the word "cancer" gave it life and power.

I wanted to take that power away from my own consciousness….so I kept saying the words. Cancer, cancer, cancer, cancer.

Take that!